the world according to elphie

yes // dad's_house

2006-10-12T20:11:00.000-04:00

.
anxiety

want to walk faster
as if the list will disappear
if i don't move fast enough

want to walk slowly
to keep the moment
when both possibilites are in perfect balance
when it could go either way
like flipping a coin

my name=
at the bottom*
of the sopranos list
at 2:23

yes

I MADE IT!!

happiness

/~/~/

[*at the bottom due to troublesome
last name beginning with 'w'
not due to lack of talent

(i hope)]

elphie.<3

select choir auditions // dad's_house

2006-10-05T18:54:00.000-04:00

Maybe I did well. Maybe I'll get in. It's probably all in my head.

Still, they were better.

I'm not Snow.

elphie.<3

select choir auditions // dad's_house

2006-10-05T18:34:00.000-04:00

It's almost painful
almost
like, I want to listen
but not only listen
I want to join them
to create that beautiful sound with them
but no, that's not it
because I want to be better
better than them
I want to know for certain that I can make that sound
more beautifully than-
or at least as beautifully as-
they can
to hear some people talk
you'd think I'd be incredible
but what if they're wrong?
I swear, I pale in comparison to them
maybe it's just my imagination
I don't think he heard me at my best
I think that I was okay
okay
but not great
not better
they were great
they were better
than me
it's weird
I wasn't nervous
exactly
I don't really get
nervous
before I perform
not really
it's more
that I couldn't
let loose enough
my voice sounded unfarmiliar
to myself
not
clear enough
strong enough
beautiful enough
I wish I could do it again
why couldn't I have said
something like
"I'm sorry, I have a cold
my voice isn't exactly great today
do you think I could try that note again?"
I did have a cold
do have a cold
it wouldn't have been lying
and I feel so depressed
they're so much better
voices so much more beautiful
I want to cry
but I can't
it isn't overwhelming enough to cry
but i feel like I need to do some thing
anything
sing
but I don't have the right song
and
besides
they would just sing it louder
clearer
more beautiful
than I ever could.

Depression.

God that girl was pretty
almost like the golden one
but on a different extreme
gold
ebony
clear, smooth skin
like peach water
freckles
like cinnamon sprinkled across her face
summer
winter
still
something so similar
and
her voice
was
snow.

So beautiful.

Why aren't I that beautiful?

Why aren't I snow?

elphie.<3

shopping // dad's_house

2006-10-05T18:28:00.000-04:00

Went to the mall and bought things at Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister. I've been getting lots of compliments on my clothes. (2 for the Abercrombie sweatshirt and three for the Hollister sweater/shirt) It makes me happy.

Au revoir
elphie.<3

drawings coming // dad's_house

2006-09-23T16:33:00.000-04:00

Finishing up some uber sweet manga drawings. I'll post them as soon as they are complete.

Au revoir
elphie.<3

school again // dad's_house

2006-09-23T16:24:00.000-04:00

Have a few friends, but none are interested in anything that I am interested in. I told one of them that I listened to Broadway musical soundtrack. She laughed. Asked two of them if they were going to try out for the Spring Musical. They looked at me like I was crazy. "What? Pfft, no! Are you kidding?" The ones that are in chorus, hate chorus. They all hate foreign language. I love it, even though I barely know anything compared to the other people in my class. They all act just a tad more mature than I'm used to, but I'm sure that most of them don't take academics as seriously as I do.

My parents say I'll meet fun people, creative people, when I try out for the school musical this spring; and that may be true. But I definitely do not want to wait that long.

Au revoir
elphie.<3

school // mom's_house

2006-08-31T07:39:00.000-04:00

First day of school was fine. I wouldn't go so far as to say great, but it wasn't half bad. French class was the best. I speak barely any french, but luckily neither did the girl sitting beside me (we were both from schools in a different city and didn't take a foreign language) and the teacher was just great, and promised to getus up to par. Besides, both of my parents speak french, so they can help me.

I've been sick for a few days and I'm staying home from school today. I feel awful.

Aur revoir
elphie.<3

bathroom // dad's_house

2006-08-28T07:37:00.000-04:00

I now have my very own fully functional bathroom. When we first moved here, the toilet leaked and the shower didn't work. But all that's fixed now, thanks to our live in handyman (my dad); and since my room is on the top floor, and the only other rooms up here are the guestroom and the bathroom, I get it all to myself. Hooray!

Au revoir
elphie.<3

funny llama pictures // dad's_house

2006-08-27T13:20:00.002-04:00

Funny Llama!

The DramaLlama!

It's Satan Llama!

AAAAAAAAH It's Jasmine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What have the llamas done to you Jasmine?!?! (Is that a two-headed llama in the background?)

Au revoir
elphie.<3

an almost jekyll and hyde-like situation // dad's_house

2006-08-26T18:19:00.000-04:00

It's almost like I've got two step-moms. One of them is nice, funny, cheerful; so much so sometimes that it's infectious, no matter how bad a mood you're in. The other one snaps at me and my sister as though she's having to repeat herself for the millionth time, or as if we are small children or have been inexcusably rude to her; often when we haven't done anything but been perfectly polite. There's a thin line between the two. So thin, in fact, that you can hardly tell when you're stepping over it until the landscape changes dramatically. And you have to tread carefully when you've crossed into the danger zone, or when you're balancing on the line, trying not to fall off on the wrong side. -conclude thoughts-

Au revoir
elphie.<3